ASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin announced Monday that the United States government will celebrate Memorial Day by piling $400 million in cash on the Mar-a-Lago lawn and lighting it on fire as a tribute to the nation's front-line and essential workers.
"Today, we take an important step in giving our doctors, nurses, paramedics, and other essential personnel the help they need," Mnuchin said. "Instead of wasting money on Blue Angels flyovers, light shows and protective equipment, we're cutting out the middleman and torching this cash on a live video feed available exclusively to Trump campaign donors."
Pressed on the unusual decision to burn the money at President Donald Trump's private golf club rather than on U.S. government property, Mnuchin emphasized the government's newfound focus on efficiency.
"Under normal circumstances, it could take us weeks or even months to make this much money disappear, but this is just another example of our administration's commitment to efficient spending," he said. "Whenever the president sees the opportunity to spend taxpayer money at his properties for a good cause, all while improving his golf game, he's going to seize it."
Critics online jumped on the announcement as the latest example of Trump grifting money from the American public, quickly compiling several hundred thousand likes and retweets by shouting silently into an infinite void.
