EST POINT, N.Y. — A ramp at the U.S. Military Academy was quietly relocated on Sunday night to a CIA black site in Afghanistan, where prisoners who had endured months of torture walked down it with ease, noting that they appreciated its gradual incline and excellent traction.
CIA sources confirmed that, in keeping with tradition, they had waterboarded the ramp for a short while immediately upon its arrival to the black site.
“This was the best day I’ve had here,” said Farukh Abdella, 36, a shop owner from Kabul who has been detained indefinitely ever since violently sneezing near a U.S. soldier in March. “Well, actually, I’m not sure how long I’ve been here, but the water slide was great while it lasted.”
Abdella clarified that he didn’t believe the ramp made for an ideal water slide, declaring that its “modest length, spectacular drainage and grippy surface” make it far more effective for walking on. As other prisoners were marched blindfolded back to their cells throughout Monday morning, they seemed to agree, offering praise for the ramp’s gentleness and stability, even in the absence of a handrail.
Meanwhile, back in Washington, the Trump administration declared the ramp a “potential Antifa provocateur” and promised to conduct a thorough investigation into whether it had been installed at the Academy by Hillary Clinton, George Soros and Hunter Biden.
