ASHINGTON, D.C. — White House doctors said Thursday that they have been unable to clearly identify any side effects on President Donald Trump from taking the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine as a prophylactic against COVID-19.
"Known side effects of hydroxychloroquine include mood swings, irritability, hair loss, blurred vision, pale skin, confusion, and unusual thoughts and behaviors," said Dr. Sean Conley, Trump's personal physician. "Because the president already exhibits all of those symptoms, my colleagues and I have had a hard time determining whether the drug's side effects are worsening his condition."
Following Conley's press conference, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany issued an official statement denying the presence of any side effects.
"As multiple doctors have said in exchange for generous payments, the president is stronger and healthier than anyone has ever been or will be. His perfect genetics make him resistant or even immune to all disease, and even to hunger. He only eats food for the benefit of you and me, so that we can feel more comfortable in the presence of his radiance."
Answering criticism from doctors and public health officials who have noted that hydroxychloquine can have the dangerous side effects noted by Dr. Conley and many more, up to and including death, McEnany played a brief video message from the president:
"This administration has been very clear that nothing bad will ever happen, and if it does, it's not that bad, and to tell the truth, it's actually going to be a good thing if it happens.'"
Dr. Conley stepped back to the podium at the end of the press conference to reassure the public that everything was under control.
"It's like the president always says: What do you have to lose?"
